It seems as though the 'value' is getting much attention "in this economy". So what, really, does value mean? Is it getting a lot of stuff for a little price? Is it getting good stuff at a good price? Is it getting what you want at a price you're willing to pay? What exactly *is* value?
In a semi-blowout argument with my husband one day, I accused him of not *valuing* what I do as a stay at home mom. I accused him of only *valuing* something that has a decent salary attached to it. I blamed him for making *me* feel as though being at home is a valueless (emotionally read: worthless) position in life. Of course, he quickly defended himself, corrected my assumptions, and assured me that he does, indeed, find *value* in what I'm doing during this stage in my life. Recognizing the futility of the conversation, I internally rolled my eyes, and said ok. That conversation haunts me. Because with time to reflect on the conversation (and the rest of life), I realized that the question might be better directed at me: do *I* value what I'm doing as a stay at home mom who sees patients two or three times a week in her dining room? Do *I* realize the tremendous *value* of being a stay at home mom? And the answer, I'm sad to say, is mostly no. I didn't.
Lately, though, it seems that I'm coming to grips with just how important this 'job' is-- even though it has no paycheck. No raises. No promotions. It has no retirement. It has no 401K. It has no pension. There are no insurance benefits. Job security has only a little to do with parenting skills and all to do with the Grace. I mean, really, who in the their right mind would send in a resume for this job? To top it all off, it will actually COST your family some financial loss. Again, I ask, who, in their right mind, asks to have this job? That's where *value* comes into the picture.
Not just because I'm a chiropractor, but I ask you, really, where's the *value* in biggie size heart attacks, 64 oz of chemically altered concentrated sugar, and 2 lbs of nitrogen and carcinogen laden, hormonally altered meat topped with 'veggies' that are doused in pesticides, herbicides, and fertilizers, smashed between two 'slices' of nutrition-stripped, bleached, and sugar enriched wheat, all for less than $5? I will postpone my extensive diatribe on the state of food in our country to get back to the question of this particular conversation. Is there *value* in that? Does value have an inherent link to finances?
Not just because I'm a cheapscape, but is there *value* in a piece of clothing made from cotton, sewn together with the same thread, the same pattern, and the same basic print/color *just* because it has someone's name on it? Is there value in having a red sole to your shoe, even though the same style shoe without a red sole costs (literally) HUNDREDS less? Is there *value* in a pricey stroller that has shocks, two seats, a 360 degree front turning wheel and is 40 lbs, bulky, and takes up nearly the entire storage area of my Pilot? (This is where my husband and I both vehemently yell YES!!!) Is there *value* in private education, paying through the nose for tuition so that children can (?) get a higher/better education? What *is* value? Does it ALL go back to finances?
Is it more valuable for a mom to work if that family has *any* debt? Is it *more* valuable to attack debt with "gazelle intensity" and forgo having a stay at home mom vs a money-making mom? (In my experience *really* working out of the house with little little ones is way difficult, but that's me) Is 'gazelle intensity' debt attacking worth not having a family vacation for a few years? Is it *more* valuable to postpone a career (read professional fulfillment, mental stimulation, AND pay) to be a mommy for a few years? Is it *more* valuable to teach the alphabet to my children than to help pay down my gigantic student loan? *Is* value a proposition of money? Or is it more than that?
Is value more than how much something costs versus what you get? Can value be something that has no monetary denomination? Like time. Time is not money. And yet time is *the* single most valuable commodity. Why? Because is the only thing that all people have in common. Where we spend our time, not our money, is truly where our hearts are. Where we spend our time is truly what we value. Money, no doubt, is a close second, but where we spend our time is the best reflection of what we hold most dear. Where we spend our time shows us what we value most.
Many will argue and say that we must have money in order to spend time with family-- for vacation, for weekend outings, for anything-- so we must work. And some financial experts will argue that getting rid of any and all debt as quickly as possible, sacrificing time with family to work as much as possible for a short amount of time to have financial freedom in the end is worth it. Is it? Because time, unlike money, is something we can't make more of. Debt is often a choice-- or a string of poor choices, or an investment into the future through education-- that can be planned well, so as not to sacrifice your TIME. Because, again, money can be made-- even if we have to break our pride and do something *beneath* us, money can be made; time cannot. Working diligently at a job that you love is not "wrong", but choosing how you spend your time reflects your priorities. Spending time outside of 'work' to do more work instead of involving yourself with your family is not being a dedicated worker, it's choosing work over family, over spouse, over children. Let's be fair and clear, here, however; there are times that work will demand more time than its allotted schedule, it is the *habit* of working long hours over spending time with someone that I'm discussing. It's choosing *more* money, *more* recognition, *more* of something than *more* of your family. Because *time* cannot be bought, paid off, made more of, or taken back. *Time* is the real value in life.
So despite my regular struggle with adding nothing financially to our family, I'm adding time. Time and attention that cannot be replaced, returned, or restored. Time is like our words-- once spent, it can't be taken back. I'm sure I will continue to struggle with my lack of income with every budget meeting. With every phone call to Nelnet. With every bank statement reconciliation. With the jealousy of seeing my peers succeed in practice. But I know one thing, I'll never regret being home with them. I may regret getting so frustrated with them sometimes, but I'll never regret knowing *I* taught them the alphabet. *I* taught them how to make sentences. *I* taught them numbers. *I* fed them all day everyday so I know what's in their system. No amount of money can buy this time. I've been told this over and over so I'll finally say it: They're only little once. And I'll admit that some days I'm more than ready for them to be PAST being little. Some days I'd rather drop them off and go be a well dressed professional. Some days I'd LOVE to know that I could take a day off from work and still have no kids. Hell, I'd love to have day OFF. Sometimes I'd love to only see my kids for like 3 or 4 hours a day-- and get the best parts of them-- bath time, bedtime and snuggle time instead of all the whining, crying, and clinging all day everyday. That's not to say that I'm miserable being at home, it's just to say that a little time away from the boys is just as *valuable* as all the time I am spending with them. I do *value* my time with the boys, watching the eldest learn so much everyday and the wee-est one learn how to walk. To watch them laugh and play together. To watch them fight already. To take them to the park all the time. To snuggle them both at least two or three times a day instead of just once. This is time that can't be bought with earlier debt payoff. Those are moments that can't be bought by a bigger retirement.
Just because I admit that being a mom is not glamorous and isn't exactly fun all the time doesn't mean I don't value my time with the boys. It just means I'm honest. Just because I don't contribute financially to our bottom line, doesn't mean *I'm* not valuable. Our *values* are inherently what make us unique. I simply wish more people, including us on occasion, would remember that what you get for the money is far less important than how you choose to spend your time.
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