Admitting is the First Step to Recovery

Today I join the masses in admitting I need an anonymous audience in order to feel smart, important, and (on days like today) an actual human.    Sadly, my greatest fear is NOT that I'll have no followers, it is that writing will not cleanse my soul the way it did before I entered this life as a wife, mom, and professional (can you call me that?!?!?!).  Writing has long been my first choice in cathartic endeavors.... ok, so it's second, coffee being the first.  Aaaand at some point it was likely fourth to red wine, long runs, and coffee.  Alas, now it's second.  And I'm also 20 lbs heavier than I was when it was fourth........  Good times :-/

What do you choose to write about when you don't know your audience, or if you even HAVE one?  Pretty much whatever is on my mind.  Whether it's a short story or a commentary or a ranting about the stupidity of our approach to health (or lack thereof).  Today, I suppose, it's about what it means to NEED an anonymous audience.  What does it say about me (and everyone else on a social network for that matter) that I feel the urge to share my life, my daily struggles, victories (do I have those?) and pet peeves in a stream of consciousness now openly accepted as normal behavior?  I mean, really, who DOESN'T think in 'status update' anymore?!?!

Does needing to share my thoughts in the abyss of blogdom mean I'm self-centered?  Does it mean I'm altruistic because I'll likely humiliate myself airing my dirty laundry in efforts to help myself and someone else?  Does it mean I'm feeling insignificant in this life and I'm desperately yearning to feel a connection to someone out there in the world of social networking?  Does it mean I'm bored with my life and seek to spice it up?  Does it mean I believe I'm a superior writer with insight far beyond my years and I wish to spread my mosaic of wisdom with the lowly followers?  Hell if I know.  I just think I'll feel better if I write.

So write I will.  And, I pray, healing will follow.  What needs to heal?  Too many things to start tonight. Besides, admitting I need to heal is the first step to recovery.  Recovery begins today.  Thankfully, recovery does not involve the lack of red wine.