There are always consequences for actions. For choices. My husband seems to think I'm going through a period of reckoning with my past and my current life. ....Isn't all of life like that, unless you're still running away from it? There's too much crap to to download it all tonight. So for the ease of my brain and to settle my mind from the day, I'll start the most recent. And, on a daily basis, the most pressing issue I face.
I have to choose, several times a day, which son is more important. Which son deserves my attention? Which son do I neglect for a time? Which son do I choose to embrace? Which son deserves one on one education? Is one son's development more important than the other?
So many people (some of them very 'educated') will say it's a no brainer-- choose the older one, the younger one won't remember. See, the thing is, even educated people don't know everything about everything. Even doctors. Me included. There are tons of things I don't understand. Even tons of things about physiology, but physiology just happens to be something I love. Deeply. And stress is a killer. We all know that now. So my issue with this convenient advice to just let the baby cry and 'soothe' himself to sleep is that a baby left to cry for un/determined amounts of time is stressed out. It's hard for me to understand why a doctor would suggest to a parent to simply let the baby cry. Whether it's separation distress or a physiological need, babies will cry to alert parents for help. In any other situation than sleeping, if an adult heard a baby screaming, the instantaneous reaction is to hold the baby. We're wired that way. Just like babies are wired to alert adults. (for reference to know I'm not full of crap, there's a heavily referenced book called The Science of Parenting) To ignore either of these calls is to desensitize that innate voice in us all. And let's be honest, I'm a chiropractor, I LOVE innate :) So it's difficult for me to, the way I see it, neglect my baby to pay attention to my 2 yr old.
My 2 yr old learns insanely quickly, has one volume: LOUD, and two attitudes: exuberant or exhausted (read: short blond devil). He needs routine and structure. And to run. A lot. Nearly everyday when I've finally gotten the baby down, here comes the extremely happy one, yelling down the hallway. So much for the baby getting a morning nap. The afternoon is much the same. I try to have some special time with him everyday, at the park or on the floor with the 'traaaactors'. But come on, I have an 8th month old as well who needs a ton of attention. Thankfully, he's becoming more mobile and a little more independent. Not that that means he needs less attention.... quite the opposite. It does mean, however, we can all be on the floor together...learning, mainly, that everything belongs to 'Anay' NOT 'bebe'.
Have I sacrificed my 2 yr old's entire education because I don't think letting the baby cry himself to sleep is the best option? Have I destined my oldest little boy to math and reading tutors because I want the baby to take a nap and it's a bit of a long process? Am I neglecting my 2 yr old by 'parenting' my baby to sleep? Am I choosing my 2 yr old over the baby when I choose to let the baby cry and lay down with his brother for a while? Am I developing poor coping skills in the baby, emotional detachment, ADD, disruptive behaviors, a compromised immune system because of overworked adrenal glands, and an inability to self soothe in the future (which, by the way, is developmentally --> impossible<-- at this age) by allowing him to cry for 15 minutes? I mean, what kind of damage am I doing to both of them?!?!? Not to mention the stress of realizing that I AM, in fact, damaging them both in some way! UGH. Seriously, I thought organic chemistry was hard?! Please, send me some geometry, some algebra, some neurology, a little physiology; things that follow the rules, have systematic explanations... and can't cry or tell you no.
When does the chaos in my brain stop? How do you choose one over the other? How do you silence the devil whispering your failures in your ear every moment of everyday? Every choice has consequences. Like right now, while my husband is snoring, and I flick his nose, he wakes up....or maybe not. Anyway, the point is, I have to pick. And if you have more than 1 kid at home at a time, you do too. Maybe I'm the only one that bathes in the ramifications of those choices. Maybe it's just me and my idea of what a mother should be. And the fact that I'm not hitting that mark gracefully. Everyday. I'm proud of myself when I do. But it's not nearly as often as I want it to be. And think about it, who really talks about being proud that they didn't slam a door, raise a voice, or get overly, needlessly, senselessly frustrated? I mean, isn't that just what mothers are? Endlessly patient, always happy, always kind, totally fulfilled by poop ground into their fingernails?
Everyday. The choices I make are influencing the development of my boys. What penance will they pay because of my daily 'picks'?
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